Dear Sweet One,
You’re nestled in your bed right now…the scenery today, is a bit different than that I had two weeks ago when I wrote this to you. The beach has faded, the memories and pictures remain and today, the beauty of the green trees behind our home stand tall and basking in the beauty of the morning sunlight.
I did not realize how much I had fallen in love with the trees…until I missed them at the beach…and wonder if the two worlds my soul longs for will be combined in the beauty of Heaven…..ahhh…a discussion for another today.
Today, sweet one, I want you to know how very much I love you.
This past weekend has been a blessing I never imagined. It’s been years since I prayed to God to bring me a sweet little girl…with strawberry red ringlets and freckles. I never imagined he would answer that prayer.
So many prayers He did not answer the way I thought He should when I was little….those ‘unanswered’ prayers were actually delays and ways to wreck this stubborn heart to prepare me….to be your Mom.
I said “No” to God so many times…..
- No, I will not stay home with my children, this world has too much to offer
- No, I will not submit to my husband, I am a woman and can do better than he can
- No, I will not love others as myself
- No, I will not do the hard thing and grow friendships through good, honest love and accountability…it’s too hard….
And then….he sent me you.
From that first moment of pain that sent shock waves through this body, I knew you would be different.
You encompass the power and majesty I felt in my heart as I reached new goals while wearing fatigues and the knowledge of success when the corporate ladder was easily climbed.
Your desire and determination to make friends and the fragile way in which your heart breaks…..at the slightest hurt sends waves of sorrow through my heart.
Yet, I know….God blessed me with you….not for what I can do for you, but for the way you are taking this Mom from spiritual milk to true meat….you are growing this heart that was wrecked so early in life and He is using you to infuse light and love back into it.
This weekend….was all about you, my sweet one. It was beautiful…with sweet memories I will cherish and the delight of new ones to be made….the little girl I always dreamed of….our relationship is now growing into a new phase…
Our adventure out for window shopping this weekend…what a blessing you are to this mom…..to laugh and giggle and for you to encourage me to embrace this new Mommy body…long gone is the body of my youth….and now the curves (I thought I wanted) have arrived….
I long to give you the opportunity to see that you too, are created in beauty and love.
I want you to remember…..the moment on my knees, as I sat in front of you with our tears flowing…your heart broken, fearful of others and how they may not know who you really are.
My sweet girl, your value is to be found in your Heavenly Father….
and I pray that last night, as our sweet new friends were here…..that you witnessed that. You witnessed the beauty of your Father sitting with another Dad….pulling two sweet hearts together in love and accountability.
Your beautiful hearts on display, sharing, loving and caring enough to go to that hard place….to confess, repent and oh, the beauty of reconciliation, true reconciliation…with nothing hidden, no fear…..
To be followed with a true lesson on baptism, right in our home…..as we seek direction of this Godly man the Father has placed in our lives. This man who is a friend…. yet our Spiritual leader..the load he bears is a heavy one
and he wears it in grace and humility.
Sweet girl, God has blessed you and as we travel this road and seek His guidance and He seeks your heart…..I look forward to the day you follow in the path of Christ….
I can’t imagine a weekend more beautiful than this.
One in which, God took all of my “NO’s” and showed me how when I finally sat down at His feet…and gave Him my heart….and He transferred all of those “No’s” to “YES’s”….the wrecking of my heart as a child…has grown to that of an adult….
and He used you, in your beauty and fragile state as a child….to help do that.
You’ll wake soon…and I can’t wait for that first hug…..
Sweet dreams, my sweet one, your Mommy loves you!
Have you written a letter to your daughter about how God used her to change your No to a Yes?