As a child, I always heard that love hurts deep. It can cut deeper than any wound. The truth of love cutting and hurting seeped into my heart, with the sting of divorce.
That cut that hurts so deep….you only know the truth about the pain. That pain that is worse than death because death hurts less than Divorce
Death of a Sibling
The divorce that came early. My parents divorce…..that was my divorce, too. So young, three.
Walking down the road, suitcase in hand….my brothers ahead…Mother…somewhere, the memory is not complete, it’s as foggy as the sweet one on the beach above, running down the beach, camera….overexposed….the memory…going back…
The divorce that ran deep……the death to follow.
His death….he was the favorite. The favorite of the town, the football star, the cute guy everyone wanted to date.
I Was His Sister
His few years upon the earth impacted many. Their emails come from miles now. They want me to know….they still hurt and morn his death. It’s been years – 35 to be exact, but he impacted many…..wide upon the earth.
Death of a Mother
She is with him now…both wrapped in the arms of the brother. I can’t look back yet…letters to friends, sharing love and support when a loved one dies…the shame of not being the daughter I could have been…the need to sit at the cross and confess…..
I don’t feel I deserve it. I could have been more…loved more…forgiven more…opened my arms wide….
They help heal this heart through the words and love of the Father….his arms open wide and with these last few words, I accept who I am…a girl broken inside by the path that was taken before I was born.
I accept His love and His desire to make me whole…..
and walk into his arms open wide.
As I walk, I know He is calling me to truly share my story. There are so many hurting, behind the veil of OH…I’m Fine.
I find strength in his words…words shared by others, truly pointing to the Father…He’s pulling me, pushing me to open wide and let His story in my life be known….. it’s a scary thought, one that must be taken…to lay down the pride…..