Chemical Abortions and a Woman’s Advocate

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We were walking down the road–our normal walk and talk in the beauty of the early morning air.  That’s how we begin our days; my sweet husband and I.

This time is always so sweet.  I cherish it daily and try to never allow the day to begin without our walk–our talk and our prayer.  It calms the day, prepares me for what is ahead and provides moments to talk about life in the present,the past and pray about the future.

Today, we approached a subject that has remained silent in our home.

We have shared our lives, our dirty secrets–well, most that are hidden in the closet–with our children.  They know about the divorce; they know about his marriage to another woman; they know how we remarried; and they know about their sibling in Heaven.

What they don’t know– is about their siblings by the other women-the ones whose lives were ended prior to birth.

Not by accident but by choice.

The words slowly come to my mind.  I wonder–how long has the silence been there and what damage has it caused to our hearts?  Worse yet,  what if our children find out.

I ask–the words gently and softly oh, how I love this man and desire nothing but love and respect for him.

gently, whispering  “Do you think about the babies? And does it still hurt?”

As the words escape my lips, I pray.  I pray for truth and healing to be the focus of this conversation that has never been had, yet has desperately been needed.

“Rebecca, I’m a murderer-my own children.  What was I thinking to not fight for those babies and allow the mothers to suffer the cruel reality of an abortion?”

The Pill and Chemical Abortions

The words cut deep.  He looks at me with a compassion so deep – doesn’t he know, he’s not alone?  Does he not know he stands in front of another, just as guilty, yet given freedom through the blood of the Christ who took our sins and bore them upon the tree?

I ask – do you think you are the only one – do you not know…I am guilty, too.

My mind wandered to my own guilt.

The guilt that has festered–I’m now setting free.  I’m laying it at the cross.  I have confessed, I have prayed and begged for mercy.  The torment of the lies that guilt should remain – I begin to set free with this conversation that heals the heart that never knew the truth.

The guilt and shame that was delivered so lovingly in an envelope.

The Birth Control Pill and Chemical Abortions

The enveloped exposed the truth about the birth control pill and Chemical Abortions.

The envelope that exposed the fact that I had not researched, nor cared to know the truth of those pills I would place in my mouth each and every day – taking away God’s control over my body and abusing my body through premarital sex – both sins against my Father but, this discussion is not about that, that will have to wait until the heart can bear to release more.

  • I did not know that the pills I took for years did not keep me from ovulating.
  • I did not know that a baby could be conceived.
  • I did not know that while the baby could have been conceived the pill could have kept the baby from implanting, thus causing a chemical abortion.
  • I did not want to know

And I wept as I read the content of the envelope…I remember it like it was yesterday.

But….it remained unspoken.

I went to my Dr and asked him “Is this true – can the pill cause a chemical abortion?”

His answer:  “YES.”

I asked – why he had not told me this….we had had many discussions during my years of infertility about abortion, my thoughts, my beliefs…yet he said NOTHING to me about this when we were going through the phases, preparing….

Woman’s Advocate

“I’m a woman’s advocate.  I have to do what is best for all women.” His words were short and to the point – matter-of-fact-with authority over all knowledge that should surpass any question I should ever dare to ask.

I sat there, wrapped in that white paper gown trembling from the inside out. I thought – He performs chemical abortions and is a woman’s advocate.

I wanted to scream and cry – I wanted to know “WHO is MY advocate? I’m a woman, don’t I deserve to know the truth about what each and every medicine and medical procedure does to my body?”


Our walk continued.  We discussed the babies we knew were gone.  They would be grown.  They were his (and mine) and he feels the guilt still. I beg him to let go….  He comforts me knowing – we will never know these babies here, in our temporary home.

In the home to come, we will know them and there will be no more tears….

And we wonder….does anyone truly advocate for a woman?

Each of us different.  All on a journey in this life, in different bends of the road.  Women, seeking and desiring to share the love that was planted in our hearts from the beginning of time.

This subject, abortion, birth control, how many babies to have–it can tear apart the closest friends.  I wonder, was there ever a time in history when we, as women were united in this area?

We need to love one another.  We need some Titus 2 women to rise up, mentor us….and truly be a woman’s advocate.  I am so thankful for my beautiful friend who loved me enough to share this truth with me….and I’m looking for true women’s advocates

Are you ready to be one?

linked with:  Big Family FridayThe Better Mom Time-Warp Wife Domestically Divine Gratituesday and Raising Arrows





This is my story, my thoughts and my feelings. No judgement is placed on any person who has different beliefs than the ones who are expressed here. My heart is to love all…..I am not the same person today that I was yesterday or 10-15 years ago. And I know, God is still working in my heart….thank you for your love, your words and your compassion, as our story unfolds….desiring to help through sharing….be blessed.

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  1. “I have to do what is best for all women.” And you, my dear, are not all women. You are one woman. This doctor and everyone who subscribes to the “choice” ideology (does the baby get a choice?) care very, very much about a faceless, soulless mass of women, but nothing whatsoever about any woman who cares to disagree with them. They are right. You are wrong. Now go home and take your pill like a good little girl. They know what’s best for you.

  2. Betty Jo Hendrickson says:

    I just wanted to send you some encouragement. This blog obviously took some courage to post. Thanks for being so honest. Reading your personal testimony sure added heart to what you had to say about birth control and abortion. Hopefully, as your words go out, they will serve to inform and help so many women. And when/if the time comes to tell your children about this, it will be an example of how your relationship with Christ has changed you, how He reveals TRUTH and renews the mind. My 5 kids do not know details about my husbands and my wild younger years, except that we made many,many mistakes, and we were not trained to think in terms of a Biblical world view. They know our pasts are a major reason we now have the lifestyle of Christian home educators. We make sure they KNOW that God has used each of them to in mighty ways to bring us to this relationship we have now in Jesus.

    • Betty Jo, it did take a lot of submission and courage, thank you. I feel there is a healing that takes place in a family when children see the destruction some decisions can make in our lives. More than anything, I desire them to have a beautiful relationship with Christ – founded on His truth – helping them make their decisions based on his words and love. Thank you so much for your comment….I pray you have a blessed day.

  3. You’ve brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat. You are so brave and bold to say these hard but healing words. Thank you for being obedient to the Lord’s prompting. xoxo

    • Christine, it’s heavy, it’s hard…..but, it’s part of our story….more to unveil, more to submit…and pray that anyone who reads any of our story, will only see God’s love and grace, no judgement, no condemnation, for we accept the beautiful gift of salvation. Thank you for your sweet words!

  4. WOW! What we can learn if we just search out OURSELVES and STOP taking to heart that those in front of us have all the right answers. This really spoke to me in that we as women need to take a stand in knowing what we do to prevent pregnancies are truly doing to our bodies and not to mention taking the control away from God instead of trusting in Him for our lives. thank you for sharing your heart Rebecca you bless me daily!! Luv you sweet sister!

    • Sonya, i do believe in so many ways we have been blinded by a false freedom – no freedom exists without God and no one an control alll – He is the only one truly in control. Yes, it’s all about trust – do we trust him or the world….and the next question – do we really understand his laws, in our lives, apply them and truly put Him first? It’s a hard thing for a heart to step down off of a ladder…..but, at the base of the cross, it’s beautiful! Love you, sweet friend!

  5. Wow I had no idea that the pill could cause chemical abortions. I stopped taking it years ago due to the side affects and cost. My husband has had a vasectomy since then too so I know we will not get pregnant again but oh my goodness had I known I would have never gone on it in the first place.

    • Dianna, I know. “Had I known”…..I said the same thing, as have many of my friends. I wonder how many times I have put my children’s health at risk because a Dr. recommended something and I did not research….I can’t think their lack of disclosure is only limited to Birth Control Pills…. Thank you for stopping by and your kind comments…..

  6. Thank you for sharing you heart. I remember clearly the day that I learned the truth about birth control. I felt sick, sad, angry and hurt, but mostly betrayed. People should know the truth, so that they can make their own decisions. Not the other way around.

  7. Any ideas where someone searching can get a hold of the information in your envelope mentioned above?

    • RG, Information on this topic is available on the internet. I no longer have the packet my friend gave me and at the time, the internet was not loaded with the information (good and bad) that it is now. However, you can also confirm this information with your Dr. Thank you for asking such a great question.

  8. What a powerful post… and the best way to advocate is sometimes just to be transparent; your words will have much effect!

    • Barbara, Thank you. I want to share my story…be transparent and share the truth about so many things in this world. But, I do not want anyone to feel That’s not why we are here and it’s not why I write….Thank you for your encouraging words…I have more stories, more life to share….

      • Well, I look forward to more. I find that often the best way to help people is to be transparent so they realize they are not alone in their struggle. Good work, Rebecca! Be strenghtened today.

  9. I love you dear sweet woman. I am so amazed by God’s grace and healing through your story. It gives me such hope and teaches me to never give up praying and laying my heart, tears, and desires at his feet. I am looking forward to how God is going to continue to use you throughout this week and how you tell your story and testimony so that others can have hope and healing.

    • Kelli, oh, how our hearts have been brought together…. God is amazing, isn’t he? Love you dearly…and am thankful for you…for your love and tears/hugs we have shared together. You are precious…..I pray for you daily and can’t wait to see you again.

  10. 11 years ago, I was just 18 when we married. We NEVER thought there was a problem using birth control. I thought the best, most efficient way to research our choices would be to ask my doctor. I told her very clearly, “I don’t want to use anything that would harm a baby if I accidentally conceived while using it.” I suppose I should have done more research, but I was overwhelmed with all the medical jargon. 2 pregnancies later, a brave friend gave me some literature on how the pill works. I didn’t want to believe it, because of what it meant about all those pills I swallowed and the harm I had unknowingly done. When I finally asked another doctor why I had not been told the truth, she explained that the terms for when conception takes place had been redefined by the medical community.
    I never wanted more than 3-4 kids. But now we have four, and I’m already getting excited about the possibility of another. We don’t actually have a plan– that we’ll “stop” or that we’ll “have as many as the Lord gives us.” We take it one kid at a time and pray for God to grow our hearts to accept His plan for us.