Dear Mom Who wants to Run away,
I know that feeling. That feeling of wanting to pack up your husband and children and run away to some desserted island or a mountain top somewhere. Just a chance to get away from the day to day non-stop barrage of life that seems to take your last breath.
The days can be long when you need a chance to just catch your breath. When your 911 friends are busy and in the midst of life and you can’t just seem to catch a second to sit down and drink a hot cup of anything because it cools down as the arrows are streaking across your life.
This life – this life where we are judged and we just want to focus on Christ and the beauty of the world He created. But so many things pull our attention and it would be heaven to just go to the bathroom without the pinging of a computer or the ringing of a phone (and yes, even hands that only seem to knock when ‘that door’ closes).
While some days, the ability to die to self and live for the beautiful purpose God created us – to be a wife and a Mom- may make us ‘feel like’ we want to run from the things in our homes that truly bring joy, we can sit back and realize -it’s not the children we desire to run away from. No, they are blessings and they deserve and need our full attention.
It’s the world that pulls and tugs and wants us to feel less than so it can feel more than.
So many things wanting, needing, desiring, taking – and it all boils down to letting go of the things that bring sorrow, guilt and despair into our lives. Generally, all of those things spring up from that deep-pride issue. That pride thing that makes us want to get up and shout ‘look at me look at me’. It can make us feel invisible in the day to day grind of loving the people around us and we can begin to feel like no one sees – no one cares and yet… In the midst of those moments where we begin that self pity party – it’s so important to remember – we are not what we feel. We are created by God and filled with the Holy Spirit. Our emotions are not who we are, they merely give us a ‘feeling’ and at all times, we need to remember “He sees what you are doing, m’dear.”
Those words, recently shared with me as I sat pondering a speaker at a retreat. I was taking a peek around the room, praying that every sweet Mom would hear the words and they would transform all of us. My friend, she knew the battle in my heart and knows the depth of my desire to help others. That help, I often hide, I bottle it up and dare not let anyone know because of that old friend pride. In those words, she reminded me – HE SEES ME!
And that’s all I want – is for Him to see me. To know that all I do – I do for the Lord. I am reminded of this need and desire as I bury myself in Col 3: 17, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,giving thanks to God the Father through him.” and Col 23-24, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”
In that, I find the ability to release my need to please others and grow the desire to work only for the praise of God. And then, I find the power to crush pride. That power lives within me and all who have accepted the savior. It’s beautiful and peaceful.
So, in those moments, where your work becomes a beautiful sacrifice you know – Yes, he sees you. And while we are not perfect, he desires a relationship with us. He sees all of us, sweet mama and he knows when we get caught up in working for the world We know it, too. We get that tied up pinched feeling in our tummies (and sometimes on our faces.)
When you’re ready to pack your bags and your family and run away. Stop. Remember, you are filled with the Holy Spirit. The evil one is tempting you to run away from the fight. That inner fight to die to yourself so that Christ can shine the light and the beauty. Don’t hide when you mess up. Let the one who created you carry your fears, your troubles and anything negative to the far winds. He wants you to put his yoke upon your shoulders and live in freedom!
Fill those moments with love and laughter. Surround yourself with friends and family who are growing in Christ – knowing that none are perfect and remember – we are all on a journey. So, if you pack those bags, make sure you’re heading in the direction Christ wants you to go.
and remember, we’ve all been there…..
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